Kalamazoo Police Put Out APB For Man Who Swiped A 12-Foot Tall Oberon Bottle
Oberon Day is a big deal in Kalamazoo. How big? 12 feet!
And this guy took it home with him.
As the rest of West Michigan was sleeping off the effects of the first offering of Bell Brewery's famous spring time brew, Oberon, one nefarious rapscallion was making off with the high symbol of the season.
The Kalamazoo Department of Public Safety released this photograph of a man they say took a 12-foot inflatable Oberon beer bottle from in front of a business at 100 West Michigan in Kalamazoo. The man may have had an accomplice. (It's probably who he's talking to on the phone.)
This crime raises many questions, like what does one do with a 12 foot tall inflatable beer bottle when one gets it home? It's only funny in a stoner, college student-like way for about 24 hours, and then it's just a giant inflatable bottle.
Is it really worth $2000 as mentioned in the police report? Because if it is I think someone overpaid. I've seen bigger inflatables that cost much less. For instance, this one costs a very affordable $398.
Or do they just say it's worth that much so they can charge this n'er-do-well with a felony?
At any rate, be on the lookout for a very stylishly dressed (jean jackets are back IN style,yo) man who may look winded from having to blow the bottle back up after they deflated it to get it into his friend's Ford Focus.
Or maybe just keep your eye on the dumpsters around WMU for someone who ditches it after realizing they've made it look like he stole something of real value.
Or better yet, maybe just keep your eye out for people committing REAL crimes.